Anger and Frustration - Healing from Within

Anger and frustration. The hot emotion that can take over our logic and send us into a raging fit or simmer deep in our veins until it explodes, usually at an inappropriate time or completely out of proportion to the situation. Anger is a powerful emotion, easily irritated and easily triggered.

Anger is rooted in fear. Someone experiencing anger however will usually not see this. They will see every little irritation as a pure annoyance, usually because things are not going their way.

How to Manage Anger

First of all, anger is a serious matter. Not to be taken lightly. Anger is what sends people into violence and creates hatred. This is not a light matter. The heart and mind are so troubled that anger is justified in its action. Anger is blinded by its own selfishness and cannot see beyond its own needs.

Dealing with anger and anger management is tricky because the angry do not want your anger management tools and resources. They do not want to read "help me" books and talk to a therapist. This just pisses them off. Even the process of finding a specialist can be infuriating!

Anger however, needs to be released in a healthy manner. It needs an outlet other than an explosive episode. Anger can be a powerful tool when directed in a positive manner. Types of releases can be physical sports, creative aspirations, and practicing mindful awareness and patience.

Mindful awareness is being aware of the anger present. Sitting with anger and not acting is the key. Acknowledging anger helps to dissipate it. Simply being aware and being mindful of its presence is the first step. Anger is something that either you control, or it controls you. The first step in control is being aware of its presence. It is okay to be angry! Feel the anger. Don't push it away, don't let it simmer in your blood. FEEL IT. Feel it and be angry. Write about it. Hit a pillow. Yell in an empty room. Try to find a place to be alone in your anger, and do not act.

Having control over anger means not taking action when you are enraged. This means not directing the anger at any person and not acting in any circumstance. If you can be mindful then you have control within your grasp. Allowing anger to run its course naturally, without acting will allow it to be released. This may be a difficult process in the beginning, but with practice it becomes easier.

When you begin acting while you are angry, the action always come back to you and feeds the anger. Then you start reacting to others that are reacting to you and it grows and grows. One must remember that anger is a hot coal. In order to throw a hot coal, you may burn your target, but in the process you must also pick up the hot coal which also burns you.

If you can be mindful of your emotions and mindful of the anger, the healing process can begin. During an angry episode you can use this as an opportunity to learn and grow. The anger now becomes a source of understanding. What is causing the anger? In what situations is the anger triggered? Is there a certain person, place, or thing that is triggering the anger? What is your normal response to the trigger and why? What is the underlying fear that exists?

When you are able to sit with the anger, you can begin to ask yourself important questions that can help you understand its source. Once you can understand the source, you can begin to be mindful of how to react to the situations that trigger you. When the anger has passed and you have a better understanding of its source, you can begin to take steps to think of more appropriate reactions to what its triggering you.

Some possible solutions
  • Perhaps you need to remove yourself from the trigger for awhile, until you are able to not act out of anger.
  • Perhaps you need to set very clear boundaries for yourself and the people in your life. If you are reacting to how you are being treated or things not going your way, the first thing you need to realize is you are not a victim. You are in control of your life and the choices that you make are yours alone. In order to take control back in your life, stop reacting and start being proactive by setting very clear boundaries for yourself and others.
  • If you get angry that is okay, but keep trying to gain control. Have patience with yourself and try to remove yourself from the situation. Step away and take a breather. Go to another room and cool off. Try to deal with the situation at a later time when you are calm and collected. 
  • Talk to someone about your anger. Talk about what triggers you and why. If you do not have a trusted confidant, then see someone professional. Find a safe place to unravel the source of your anger and find a healthy release. Most of all learn to not act while enraged. This is the most healthy way to deal with anger, but it is also important to peal the layers. This may take time, but will come.
  • When you are in a calm state of mind, think about the things in life you are grateful for. There is always something to be grateful for. Friends, family, a job, a roof over your head, etc. Write these out and carry them with you so that when you get upset, you can redirect the anger into something more positive. Think of a happy memory or something that has made you feel good in the past. By thinking about what you are grateful for in life, or a happy time in life, you can transform the anger and begin to dissipate it.
Dealing with anger will prove to be an excellent tool in self discovery, growth and improvement to life. Remember that we may not have control of what happens to us, but we DO have control of how we respond.

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